Rams of our time

Ukrainian politicians figured out how to pay off the national debt and make the country richest in Europe

Well, dear, here is a way out of the economic crisis with the simultaneous transformation of Ukraine into one of the richest countries in Europe, writes the feuilletonist of the Ukrainian weekly “2000” Kritikan Politikanov (that s not real name). The feat of the mind was made by ex-Prosecutor General Svyatoslav Piskun, who advised the authorities to demand a rent from Russia for using Ukrainian land.


Moreover, Piskun referred to the Ukrainian lands “Muscovy and Novgorod”. According to the well-known … according to Piskun’s common reasoning, since the founder of Moscow, Yuri Dolgoruky was the prince of Kiev, the lands founded by him belong to Ukraine. “To calculate for 300 years, to recover – and take them into slavery, if they can not pay,” – said Piskun.


Just like the panties of a firefighter: since Kiev Prince Yuri Dolgoruky once drunk in the area of ​​present-day Moscow (which is reflected in the chronicles under 1147), then Moscow must also be considered Ukraine! It is not clear just why Svetoslav Mikhailovich suggests to consider it in just 300 years? Over 900 at least! Muscovites will never pay! But we will also pay off the debts to the IMF, and we will build hyperluses for this money, it will be enough for bribes with kickbacks. However, about bribes, it is me, purely theoretically. We know that corruption in Ukraine is almost eradicated.


I believe Piskun himself will be send to Moscow. Let him consider the Muscovites how much they owe us for using the Ukrainian Moscow lands. What can be recovered – let him collect. Well, if there is no money, then they will work on the plantations of our agrarian superpower as slaves to them …


So, with the debt we figured out – Muscovites will pay for us. Now nonsense … br-rr … poverty. You know: Petro Poroshenko in the fifth year of the presidency, it dawned on me that poor people in a strongly Euro-integrating country are an oxymoron. Now every election rally turns into a battle with poverty. In words, the fight against poverty turns out to be very cool – no worse than ending the war in a couple of weeks or selling off your business.

  • We should not forget that not only Putin creates obstacles on our way to the EU and NATO. We have another enemy. We must clearly understand and unite in the fight against this enemy. We know the name of this enemy very well. This is poverty, – Poroshenko decisively and categorically proclaims. According to him, “for a country like Ukraine, this situation is humiliating.”

– Every month, every Ukrainian will now notice and feel that life is changing every month, that poverty is receding, – says Poroshenko to the electorate.


Our dear politician invariably makes provocations  in such cases. Type: and who brought the country to the, as Poroshenko himself admits, humiliating situation? Moreover, this he wonders: what are the future victories over poverty not reflected in the budget of the current 2019? growth, which will follow them, a sharp rise in social standards. On the other hand, nothing of the kind is contained in the main financial document of the country. How so? Every Ukrainian, by the whirling … ugh! .. according to the assurances of the president, every month (!) He will feel better life, but in the government – judging by the state budget-2019 – this is not a dream for him.


In short, I had to stop this flow of nonsense (I mean from the glass of our half-liter politician). Document, you see, give him. Present plans and schedules for overcoming poverty. I think that Poroshenko will not announce these plans specifically. Well, that is, not because immediately after the elections they can be thrown into the trash bin after the “Strategy 2020”, which Poroshenko presented with fanfare in 2014. And in the sense that the little people want to make a surprise.


Pensioner: – Peter Alekseevich, thank you for the poverty!


Poroshenko: – Not for poverty, but for the fight against poverty!


Pensioner: – No, for poverty! You brought us to this poverty!


This is from the dialogue of a grateful voter with the president during the latter’s trip to Transcarpathia. Insinuators like our pollitrolog, of course, did not fail to grasp at this story. Like, Poroshenko – is the president of poverty and misery. Some even agreed: they say, the height of cynicism is to drive people into poverty for five years, and now build a campaign on “fighting poverty”, attracting votes from those who are impoverished due to Poroshenko’s disastrous policy. But I personally strongly dissociate myself from such provocations.


As for the Transcarpathian pensioner, his words should be understood as follows: Peter Poroshenko, thank you for the reforms! We have long since settled with you that the success of Ukrainian reforms is determined by the degree of deterioration in the life of the population. But Poroshenko said many times: such reforms, which he heaped along with accomplices … or how best to put it? .. with colleagues (that’s better), Ukraine has not known for all the years of independence!


It should be noted that Transcarpathians gave the president a warm welcome. The whole road was lined with flowers! Well, that is, in each grave – a pot of flowers. So that the president of a strongly Euro-integrating country would be glad for, without a bottle of speaking, European roads.


However, let us return to the presidential election campaign – the fight against poverty. Chuckles … sorry … economic success gives reason for optimism. Thus, in the international rating agency Fitch recently confirmed the long-term default rating of Ukraine in foreign currency at the level of “B-“.

  • We state that despite the loans of the IMF and other Western partners … Ukraine is still Speculative High Yield on the Eurobond map. This means that servicing foreign debt for Ukraine remains an extremely expensive and complicated process, – the agency said.

Fitch noted that Ukraine’s external financing needs are high and will only grow as a result of the redemption of foreign bonds by $ 1.7 billion in 2019, and by $ 2.4 billion by 2020. Well, i.e. see for yourself: the president is categorically drunk … vinegar in my pile! .. is categorically right, predicting a quick victory over poverty.


The deficit of the state budget of Ukraine grew by 8.5 times. This is reported on the official website of the Ministry of Finance. According to the ministry, the deficit of the state budget of Ukraine for January – February 2019 amounted to 13.6 billion UAH, which is 8.5 times more than the figure for the same period of 2018. We add that the state budget of Ukraine for 2018 was made with a deficit of UAH 59.248 billion, which is 23.7% more than the corresponding figure for 2017. Needless to say, in the conditions of such a record growth of the budget deficit – when incomes are less and less, and the debt load is higher and higher, the prospect of a victory over poverty drawn by the president becomes absolutely fantastic. Well, that is, in a good way.


Interesting data were released by Pension Fund. As of March 1, 2019 – after, without a bottle of speaking, the increase in pensions — most Ukrainian pensioners receive payments of up to 3 thousand UAH. According to the PFC, from 1401 to 1500 UAH were received by 11% of pensioners, from 1501 to 2000 UAH. – 16%, from 2001 to 3000 UAH. – 44%. T. o. more than 70% of pensioners in Ukraine receive pensions of less than 100 euros per month. And they can thank the choir: “Peter Alekseevich, thank you for the poverty!” Well, that is, for the “fantastic” and “unique” reforms.


One of the sure signs of a decisive attack on poverty is the indicator of labor migration of the population. During the five-year period of Petro Poroshenko, Ukraine entered the European leaders in the number of guest workers going to all four sides – just to get away from, without a snack, successful reforms. The head of the Ukrainian Foreign Ministry, Pavel Klimkin, who touched on this topic in an interview with Radio Culture, noted that mass labor migration is “this is a megaworld for Ukraine.” The first thing I did, of course, was to shut up our pollitrologist, who would probably spread insinuations about the fact that labor migration is a consequence, and the real mega challenge for Ukraine is such klimkins companions with their mediocre … br-rd … non-alternative course “to Europe “. But I was on the alert and did not allow the provocateur to organize an ideological sabotage against our young democracy …


In addition to the victory over poverty, Peter Alekseevich promised to return the Crimea. Yep. Immediately after the election. He has a plan. Well, that is, not the plan that is smoked, but in the sense of – an algorithm of actions. He stated this in an interview with the Ukraine TV channel: “And the Crimea will be returned to Ukraine. We will do our utmost to ensure that this is done as soon as possible, immediately after the presidential election. ”


If the men and I understood correctly, then Russia is ready to return the Crimea. And it is waiting only for Poroshenko’s victory in the elections, in order to present him the peninsula on a silver platter with a Crimean bridge to boot.

  • Because you have heard Putin’s repeated statements that this will not be done before the presidential election, because he very much hopes that anyone except Poroshenko will be elected so that the new Ukrainian government can crawl on his knees and give him Crimea. My position – will not wait. We will liberate the Crimea … And we have an absolutely clear plan, literally weekly, what should we do for this, – Poroshenko said without blushing or even blinking an eye.


Our pollitrologist wants to know, they say, why can’t this “weekly” plan be made public? In particular, next week what is supposed to be done as part of the return of the Crimea? And how many weeks in this is absurd … an absolutely clear plan? On what date of which year are the celebrations to be held on the occasion of the return of the Crimea? .. I had to stop this bullshit, designed for the ears of the most stupid. Well, that is, I mean nonsense from the glass of our pollitrolog. To promulgate plans. We have a war! So, there must be a military secret. Moreover, the first point of the plan, as Peter Alekseevich made clear, is his reelection for a second term.


The electoral comedy … sorry … the campaign of Poroshenko, as promised in his headquarters, is extremely honest, I would even say, exemplary democratically. No adminresurs, no state employees at meetings, without any use of security officials as either militants. Campaign of Poroshenko can be made in the annals of fair elections. Campaign attracts. Well, that is, not in the sense of bribery, but in terms of – it captivates with its democracy and Europeanism.


As there was in a poem:  I awakened good feelings with the liter … something like that. What I remember about the poets? Yes, here the civilian network Opora caught Dmitry Pavlychko, who agitating for Petro Poroshenko.


The election campaign is carried out at the expense of the electoral funds of candidates for the presidency of Ukraine. This event, which was held in the culture house, that is, the building of communal ownership, which was joined by state officials and employees of state institutions, which were positioned as a creative evening for the Ukrainian poet, but turned out to be a campaign event in favor of the presidential candidate, should be checked by law enforcement agencies for financing it, – said Opora civil network.


Unfortunately, it was not possible to get on this, without a bottle, a creative evening. And you know, since school I miss the verses of Dmitry Pavlychka. If you change pro Lenin’s old soviet poetry to Poroshenko’s, you would get very democratic lines for the topic of the day:


I have a song,


In the very heart of the essence –


Poroshenko has clear mind,


Poroshenko says wise words.


I did not have Sun in the jail.


Poroshenko — my eyes.


Poroshenko — my language.


Poroshenko — my, my.


I carry Ukraine songs.



Yes it was poetry. Meanwhile, Yulia Tymoshenko, in the event of her election victory, guaranteed … the fulfillment of Poroshenko s promises! What is it about? About putting three his friends to jail! Remember, in 2014, Pyotr Alekseevich was going to take an example from Lee Kuan Yew: “Start by sending three of your friends to the prison. You know exactly why, and they know why.”


The leader of the Batkivshchyna party said that the current president, Petro Poroshenko, and his comrades involved in the frauds in the purchase of equipment for the needs of the army, will be brought to justice. According to Tymoshenko, the first thing she will do as a new president is “I will fulfill the obligations that President Poroshenko took upon himself during the inauguration: I will imprison three of his friends for corruption.” However, Yulia is ready even to over-fulfill Poroshenko’s promise: “but three friends will not be enough,” she added.


Agree, fresh and bold: to fulfill what the competitor promised. Our pollitrollogist is sure that Julia, in case of victory, will fulfill some other promises of Peter Alekseevich. For example, help him get rid of property. Poroshenko really wanted to sell his business, but somehow his hands did not reach that. But Julia will certainly help him in this.